Many parent letters to behavior.org (where I am editor of the parenting branch) complain that the older teenagers are unhappy and unprepared for life problems. I have forwarded the following column in answer to those letters. Over the years parents have sent over 600
e-mails to behavior.org.

Raising Good Kids in Tough Times
By Dr. Roger McIntire

Can You Give a Happy Easter?
Can you make a child happy with chocolate eggs, bunnies or a spring outing? Sometimes it seems like a thankless job. Teaching and coaching about time, money and happiness is a childhood-long parenting style.
This parenting skill is needed much earlier than many believe. Attitudes about handling money and budgeting time develop early and are followed quickly by the problems of love, sex and the happiness game.
Time. Seven hours a day they cruise the computer and TV channels. That’s how our eight to 18-year-olds spend their day.
The choices change as they grow—eight-year-olds watch more TV while 17-year olds listen to more music and text, Twitter and Facebook through their day. It doesn’t make much difference which technology they choose since they remember next to nothing of their “techno-chatter” because there’s no practice, just staring, added to a little thumb and finger exercise.
Little time is left for family and recreation activities, which leaves no doubt as to why today’s kids are more depressed and 15 pounds heavier than the kids of the 70s.
What can parents do? Mom and Dad should know what programs, TV or computer, their children are watching. Parents should set time limits on these non-activities. Only 20 percent of seventh to 12th graders report that their parents enforce time and content rules.
Hobbies, crafts, and sports give children and teens a chance to learn new skills and develop pride in their abilities instead of envying the bad habits of TV characters. Invest in good age-appropriate reading materials and, of course, insist on schoolwork before entertainment.
Money. Our teens follow the latest news about celebrities and their millions. They can easily conclude that success and money will surely lead to lifelong happiness. But the latest celebrity biographies tell us that success and money just didn't do it.
The great and near-great often dabble in drugs or alcohol, and then get stuck in these very sticky habits that they can't give up.
What are your teens learning about mortgages, leases and car insurance that they will need in just a few years? If they have no experience with these expenses why would they care about money? Maybe they would drive more reasonably if they faced the bills every month.
I asked one teen, “Did your insurance go up when you had that fender bender?”
His answer, “Uh, I don’t know.”
Happiness. Every teenager has a view of what would make him or her happy. The majority of us feel we are not quite there yet. We need something else.
First it's toys and things, then quickly it's the money that would bring us the things. I suppose none of us ever completely leaves this stage, but by the time we reach our teens, our experience with celebrity stories has added a new stage: "If I Could Just Meet Mr. (or Ms.) Right, I Would Be Happy." Mr. or Ms. Right usually can’t complete the happiness job either.
So we discover stage three: Happiness is a do-it-yourself job. It’s what we do, what we learn and how we use what we learn that makes a good day.
I suppose we all dwell in each of the three stages occasionally. Children start in stage one and most teens are infatuated with an idol from stage two but remain well attached to the toys-and-money stage. They will begin to see a glimmer of the do-it-yourself stage three if you set an example before them.
Adults know that mowing, washing the car or just complimenting a friend can make a person feel better all day. Teenagers need to realize that too, but are often too occupied with their ipod or with shopping at the mall to learn that washing the car or helping a friend can feel good.
So when your child-teen says, “I bet you can’t make me happy,” tell him, “No, I can’t, but I bet you can.”
Dr. McIntire is the author of Teenagers and Parents: 10 Steps to a Better Relationship and Raising Good Kids in Tough Times. Write him through the Journal or go to www.ParentSuccess.com.