Raising Good Kids in Tough Times
By Dr. Roger McIntire
College Success: How Parents Can Help
Amy called home every week when she started college. Her Mom would respond, "Oh, Amy, I hope you are well. We miss you so much. Little Pam keeps saying, 'When is Amy coming home?'"
Amy endured the weekly tugs on the guilt strings for six weeks, then she came to my office to do the paper work to drop out. Her short college career was partly due to Mom's unintentional focus on the negative.
Parents can help with college adjustment by keeping the calls up-beat, the pressure about jobs, money, and grades as low as possible.
Our surveys show that only 10% of college dropouts have grades too low. Working and living far from campus are the most outstanding differences between the successful college students and the dropouts, the surveys show. Most dropouts work too many hours at an outside job too far away.
Parents may be proud of sons and daughters who juggle busy schedules of jobs and school, but if the job takes over, the only parts of the college experience left to quit are the classes. Encourage your college-bound son or daughter to live and work close to the school environment and work only the necessary hours at an outside job.
Trouble selecting a major and a career is another large factor in the dropout statistics. Most state universities have 100 or more majors, but few first-time students can name 20! No wonder over 90% of freshmen change their major somewhere along the way.
Parents can help here also by talking over the majors represented in the early required courses and keeping the pressure to make an early decision low. One primary advantage of college is to educate about the variety of life's opportunities.
Students are often tempted to put off the decision about a major by leaving college for "a year off." But if college is viewed as a source of information about choices, then staying in makes sense. Little is lost by taking courses to explore the wide range of majors and careers before making this important decision. It's a long way from graduation to retirement!
Most colleges have career counselors who can be a great help if they are in on the early planning. With their help in the first year or two, both the student's interests and the practical side of career training can usually be accommodated.
Habits, usually started at home, concerning health (sleeping, diet, and alcohol), and management of time and money, make up the other dangerous pitfalls in the college journey. College students are young enough to be one of the most healthy groups in our society, yet they have a poor health record. Parents of teens with a year or two of high school left can prepare their sons and daughters for the challenges of caring for themselves and their time and money.
The mail boxes of most college students will be filled with offers of sales and credit cards that soon require more payments that lead to more hours at work. Caution your college student to keep life simple with few obligations to make payments on cars, credit, and clothes.
Next week we will take up school, homework, and computers. Join us this Saturday, the 28th, at 1 pm for a discussion of these and other parent-related topics at Waldenbooks in the Martinsburg Mall.
Dr. Roger McIntire is author of College Keys: Getting In, Doing Well, and Avoiding the 4 Big Mistakes, Teenagers and Parents, and Raising Good Kids in Tough Times.
Copyright: Summit Crossroads Press. For permissions contact Summit Crossroads Press at Parentsuccess.com on the net, or contact Dr. McIntire or the publisher by e-mail: sumcross@aol.com
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Raising Good Kids in Tough Times - 6
Raising Good Kids in Tough Times
By Dr. Roger McIntire
College Success: How Parents Can Help
Amy called home every week when she started college. Her Mom would respond, "Oh, Amy, I hope you are well. We miss you so much. Little Pam keeps saying, 'When is Amy coming home?'"
Amy endured the weekly tugs on the guilt strings for six weeks, then she came to my office to do the paper work to drop out. Her short college career was partly due to Mom's unintentional focus on the negative.
Parents can help with college adjustment by keeping the calls up-beat, the pressure about jobs, money, and grades as low as possible.
Our surveys show that only 10% of college dropouts have grades too low. Working and living far from campus are the most outstanding differences between the successful college students and the dropouts, the surveys show. Most dropouts work too many hours at an outside job too far away.
Parents may be proud of sons and daughters who juggle busy schedules of jobs and school, but if the job takes over, the only parts of the college experience left to quit are the classes. Encourage your college-bound son or daughter to live and work close to the school environment and work only the necessary hours at an outside job.
Trouble selecting a major and a career is another large factor in the dropout statistics. Most state universities have 100 or more majors, but few first-time students can name 20! No wonder over 90% of freshmen change their major somewhere along the way.
Parents can help here also by talking over the majors represented in the early required courses and keeping the pressure to make an early decision low. One primary advantage of college is to educate about the variety of life's opportunities.
Students are often tempted to put off the decision about a major by leaving college for "a year off." But if college is viewed as a source of information about choices, then staying in makes sense. Little is lost by taking courses to explore the wide range of majors and careers before making this important decision. It's a long way from graduation to retirement!
Most colleges have career counselors who can be a great help if they are in on the early planning. With their help in the first year or two, both the student's interests and the practical side of career training can usually be accommodated.
Habits, usually started at home, concerning health (sleeping, diet, and alcohol), and management of time and money, make up the other dangerous pitfalls in the college journey. College students are young enough to be one of the most healthy groups in our society, yet they have a poor health record. Parents of teens with a year or two of high school left can prepare their sons and daughters for the challenges of caring for themselves and their time and money.
The mail boxes of most college students will be filled with offers of sales and credit cards that soon require more payments that lead to more hours at work. Caution your college student to keep life simple with few obligations to make payments on cars, credit, and clothes.
Next week we will take up school, homework, and computers. Join us this Saturday, the 28th, at 1 pm for a discussion of these and other parent-related topics at Waldenbooks in the Martinsburg Mall.
Dr. Roger McIntire is author of College Keys: Getting In, Doing Well, and Avoiding the 4 Big Mistakes, Teenagers and Parents, and Raising Good Kids in Tough Times.
Copyright: Summit Crossroads Press. For permissions contact Summit Crossroads Press at 1-800-362-0985 or for other information, visit Parentsuccess.com on the net, or contact Dr. McIntire or the publisher by e-mail: sumcross@aol.com
By Dr. Roger McIntire
College Success: How Parents Can Help
Amy called home every week when she started college. Her Mom would respond, "Oh, Amy, I hope you are well. We miss you so much. Little Pam keeps saying, 'When is Amy coming home?'"
Amy endured the weekly tugs on the guilt strings for six weeks, then she came to my office to do the paper work to drop out. Her short college career was partly due to Mom's unintentional focus on the negative.
Parents can help with college adjustment by keeping the calls up-beat, the pressure about jobs, money, and grades as low as possible.
Our surveys show that only 10% of college dropouts have grades too low. Working and living far from campus are the most outstanding differences between the successful college students and the dropouts, the surveys show. Most dropouts work too many hours at an outside job too far away.
Parents may be proud of sons and daughters who juggle busy schedules of jobs and school, but if the job takes over, the only parts of the college experience left to quit are the classes. Encourage your college-bound son or daughter to live and work close to the school environment and work only the necessary hours at an outside job.
Trouble selecting a major and a career is another large factor in the dropout statistics. Most state universities have 100 or more majors, but few first-time students can name 20! No wonder over 90% of freshmen change their major somewhere along the way.
Parents can help here also by talking over the majors represented in the early required courses and keeping the pressure to make an early decision low. One primary advantage of college is to educate about the variety of life's opportunities.
Students are often tempted to put off the decision about a major by leaving college for "a year off." But if college is viewed as a source of information about choices, then staying in makes sense. Little is lost by taking courses to explore the wide range of majors and careers before making this important decision. It's a long way from graduation to retirement!
Most colleges have career counselors who can be a great help if they are in on the early planning. With their help in the first year or two, both the student's interests and the practical side of career training can usually be accommodated.
Habits, usually started at home, concerning health (sleeping, diet, and alcohol), and management of time and money, make up the other dangerous pitfalls in the college journey. College students are young enough to be one of the most healthy groups in our society, yet they have a poor health record. Parents of teens with a year or two of high school left can prepare their sons and daughters for the challenges of caring for themselves and their time and money.
The mail boxes of most college students will be filled with offers of sales and credit cards that soon require more payments that lead to more hours at work. Caution your college student to keep life simple with few obligations to make payments on cars, credit, and clothes.
Next week we will take up school, homework, and computers. Join us this Saturday, the 28th, at 1 pm for a discussion of these and other parent-related topics at Waldenbooks in the Martinsburg Mall.
Dr. Roger McIntire is author of College Keys: Getting In, Doing Well, and Avoiding the 4 Big Mistakes, Teenagers and Parents, and Raising Good Kids in Tough Times.
Copyright: Summit Crossroads Press. For permissions contact Summit Crossroads Press at 1-800-362-0985 or for other information, visit Parentsuccess.com on the net, or contact Dr. McIntire or the publisher by e-mail: sumcross@aol.com
Raising Good Kids in Tough Times - 5
Raising Good Kids in Tough Times
By Dr. Roger McIntire
Teenager Priorities
What is the top priority of most teenagers? Adults would put family, security and friends near the top, but most teens I know also assign high priorities to being liked, competent, and "cool."
As for the greatest fears, teens usually put fear of embarrassment, mistakes, and failure at the top of the list. Memories of our own teenage experiences include these same concerns - yearning to be liked and worried about embarrassment.
The next teen you encounter will probably have all these priorities and fears - all disguised or covered by an attitude that says everything is just fine. That teen needs you to confirm his or her competencies, likableness, and "coolness." Look for chances to ease the fear and bolster the confidence. Even though you may find plenty to fix and teach your teen, keep to the positive and avoid the urge to work for perfection. Many adults have sadly told me: "As far as my parents are concerned, I always felt I was never quite good enough."
So while talking to your teen, remember that criticisms, quick-fixes, advice, and focus on shortcomings hit vulnerable buttons. Admiration, compliments, and respect for who they are and their successes are always gratefully received even if they are too "cool" to acknowledge it.
Be generous with your positive support, find the good points. Encourage your teens to value themselves and you will help insulate them from the temptations to try dangerous "S.A.D." behaviors: sex, alcohol, and drugs.
Since "coolness" is related to being "non-parent," your teen may also worry she will be accused of being similar to an adult such as a parent, perish the thought!
Still most of us are surprised to eventually hear ourselves say, "I can't believe I said that, I sound just like my Dad (Mom)!"
Teens are always struggling to be their own adult and yet still tempted to be reckless, irresponsible children, too. This preoccupation with who they are and whether they are properly cool makes life tough for your teenager. They must always be on guard, questioning each comment from their parents and wondering: What are you saying about ME? Are you challenging one of my desires to be cool (hep, with it, in, or whatever the word for the upcoming generation is)? Are you endangering me with one of my greatest fears of embarrassment, a mistake uncovered, a failure?
Parents try to make their children and their teens as similar to themselves as possible; they try to instill their standards, their view, their attitude towards community, work, family, religion, and values. It's the way we pass along our culture.
Children and teens try to make themselves as different from their parents as possible! They feel a drive to get out from under the umbrella of protection and influence of their parents. That's the way we change, and hopefully improve, the culture!
As your teenager approaches adulthood, positive comments to your teen will be your most effective influence. Let it never be said by your son or daughter, "I always felt I was never quite good enough."
Dr. Roger McIntire is author of Teenagers and Parents
and Raising Good Kids in Tough Times
Copyright: Summit Crossroads Press. For permissions contact Summit Crossroads Press at 1-800-362-0985 or for other information, visit Parentsuccess.com on the net, or contact Dr. McIntire or the publisher by e-mail: sumcross@aol.com
By Dr. Roger McIntire
Teenager Priorities
What is the top priority of most teenagers? Adults would put family, security and friends near the top, but most teens I know also assign high priorities to being liked, competent, and "cool."
As for the greatest fears, teens usually put fear of embarrassment, mistakes, and failure at the top of the list. Memories of our own teenage experiences include these same concerns - yearning to be liked and worried about embarrassment.
The next teen you encounter will probably have all these priorities and fears - all disguised or covered by an attitude that says everything is just fine. That teen needs you to confirm his or her competencies, likableness, and "coolness." Look for chances to ease the fear and bolster the confidence. Even though you may find plenty to fix and teach your teen, keep to the positive and avoid the urge to work for perfection. Many adults have sadly told me: "As far as my parents are concerned, I always felt I was never quite good enough."
So while talking to your teen, remember that criticisms, quick-fixes, advice, and focus on shortcomings hit vulnerable buttons. Admiration, compliments, and respect for who they are and their successes are always gratefully received even if they are too "cool" to acknowledge it.
Be generous with your positive support, find the good points. Encourage your teens to value themselves and you will help insulate them from the temptations to try dangerous "S.A.D." behaviors: sex, alcohol, and drugs.
Since "coolness" is related to being "non-parent," your teen may also worry she will be accused of being similar to an adult such as a parent, perish the thought!
Still most of us are surprised to eventually hear ourselves say, "I can't believe I said that, I sound just like my Dad (Mom)!"
Teens are always struggling to be their own adult and yet still tempted to be reckless, irresponsible children, too. This preoccupation with who they are and whether they are properly cool makes life tough for your teenager. They must always be on guard, questioning each comment from their parents and wondering: What are you saying about ME? Are you challenging one of my desires to be cool (hep, with it, in, or whatever the word for the upcoming generation is)? Are you endangering me with one of my greatest fears of embarrassment, a mistake uncovered, a failure?
Parents try to make their children and their teens as similar to themselves as possible; they try to instill their standards, their view, their attitude towards community, work, family, religion, and values. It's the way we pass along our culture.
Children and teens try to make themselves as different from their parents as possible! They feel a drive to get out from under the umbrella of protection and influence of their parents. That's the way we change, and hopefully improve, the culture!
As your teenager approaches adulthood, positive comments to your teen will be your most effective influence. Let it never be said by your son or daughter, "I always felt I was never quite good enough."
Dr. Roger McIntire is author of Teenagers and Parents
and Raising Good Kids in Tough Times
Copyright: Summit Crossroads Press. For permissions contact Summit Crossroads Press at 1-800-362-0985 or for other information, visit Parentsuccess.com on the net, or contact Dr. McIntire or the publisher by e-mail: sumcross@aol.com
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